Ointment for a Vented Spleen

When the world pisses you off (read:spoilt westener having a bad week) and you're done with screaming or boring people to death on Facebook, theres one thing that seems to be well worth doing. It seemed to work for me today.
 Make a litre of coffee, grab a notepad and pen (or electronic device) and go find somewhere peaceful and alone because you need to be able to hear clearly what's inside.
Yeah, the garden shed is fine.

 My inside clearly talks as much as my outside. This is what happened:
I decided to write down all the things that were making me angry and have a good look at them.
 I began with one and intended to write another but a  solution came to me for the first so I wrote it down. I just pondered the 'Challenge' for a moment and somehow that solution arrived. maybe it was the coffee.
This became the pattern for the whole thing and though I came up with a dozen gripes, a dozen solutions/suggestions also came to me.
I will share them but they are solutions for me personally, and are not offered as help for others (but obviously go for it if anything helps), and I'm not seeking support in moving on them either since  inspiration came in the answers themselves.
 At the end I felt completely peaceful but also empowered and clear about what I needed to do for myself in regards to my own unhappinesses.
As I said, it was tailored for me, by me (although I can honestly say it wasn't my head giving the solutions) but I do humbly offer the method as a possible solution to anyone who feels frustrated or angry all the way to the horizon:)
PS I was obviously trying to be philosophical by calling my gripes 'challenges'. I know, I should hit enlightenment any moment now. Send you a postcard when I get there.
PPS Apologies for any wanky lovey euphamisms- blame the Universe.

Attempts at Personal Life Philosophy 101

 

 Challenge: Boys spend time alone or gaming/web chatting- problems- school work incomplete, low respect for housework, rooms untidy, things lost.

 Answer: Give them the gift of time presented with the hand of love. Do not blame their inconsistency until you have mastered your own.

 

Challenge: Boys not always respecting us/our wishes

 Answer: When you have respect for yourself because you are your authentic self following your true path (see more below), you will naturally inspire respect in others.

It is difficult for others to follow you if it is clear you are not sure what you yourself are doing. And of course later it will be your job to see your growing children be on their own path, not yours. They cannot/must not stay on your path and you must prepare both yourself and them for this eventuality. By example you can show them the power of an authentic self walking a true path and inspire them to find their own true selves and paths. That is all you can do.

 

Challenge: Boys not furthering themselves culturally

 Answer: Give consistent support, and support self-reliance and own-thinking. Chase up the drivers license and college results. Ask him to chase up some things. Find a guitar tutor for and a French tutor or a book/audio you are willing to sit with him over. Even if it is much easier for you not to follow things up, your are enabling your children to be self-reliant and self-thinkers and making them stronger and the energy needed from you much less. Prolonging helping them indefinitely disables you all. Make homework time pleasant but necessary. Set small but concrete boundaries from which they can see reason still and beyond it a view of what this will achieve. Remind them that by year ten they may make their own choices and that they are working towards being independent.

 

Challenge: Housework done solely by me, people making messes and not cleaning up

 Answer: See above (on consistency) and also, do not accept the load, which is a convenient excuse not to work and a vehicle to create anger which is an old pattern learnt by you but not yours.

Ask for help, explaining you too need to work and that it is okay to use things etc but at the end, the only satisfactory conclusion is you must also clean it up. We all share the one home for now- we must respect our shared space.

 

Challenge: Relationship with husband constantly sagging and often unsatisfying

 Answer: Think of things you remember enjoying doing together and find new ways to do them. Encourage time spent outside of relationship doing fun/rewarding things to enjoy and take away pressure to do theses as a couple. Happiness and wholeness outside of relationship with self leads to happiness as a couple.

 

Challenge: Financial strain and fixation

 Answer: Note your priorities/the things the things you most love currently and would most love to do. Those are where you should spend/save money. Believe that more wealth constantly comes your way and that nothing is beyond you in the way of financial restraint HOWEVER for example if seeing Ireland is something you would love to do because the sights and culture would be great to experience, then remember it is not important where you sleep at night as long as you are warm, safe and comfortable etc If you like dining out, think what it is you like about it and seek to recreate that, letting go of others details. Focus on the marrow, let go the bone.

 

Challenge: Wanting to go see/do things locally

 

Answer: Make a time at least once a week and go do it. Visualise what a great day you will have and how proud of yourself you will be. Having no car is not an excuse- you have legs and also there are buses- it will only be challenging the first time to use them. Having fun is certainly enjoyable if shared but relying on unreliable others is just imposing an obstacle. Go by yourself, practice bravery and self-reliance and count small blessings of going where you please, taking the time you would like, pausing over that which pleases you AND spend more time on the moment. If you feel you really want to share, write about it afterwards and if you feel the need, blog it or Facebook it into the ether. Someone somewhere will enjoy that trip out with you vicariously.

 

Challenge: Health

 

Answer: Note all that disrupts you and all that brightens you. Be aware, live in the moment and be aware of the body that experiences that moment for you. If the body feels good, the views it has are good, if the vessel is unwell, the world appears darker and unsteady. Do not skimp over good, healthy food and supplements where needed. Do skimp and ration any rubbish that is not good fuel. Offer/provide delicious alternatives to rubbish. Do not skimp over supplements that greatly increase your quality of life. Have faith in there always being money to cover that which is priceless. Mention the value of good food but do not lecture. Remind yourselves to be thankful which is a reminder to be mindful. Pigs do not skip to the plate, the apple did not fall from the tree into your hand. Exercise provides double happiness: If you decide you will not go out for some exercise because it is raining ( and you ignore all the alternatives at home- dancing, jumping, stair climbing etc) then you may feel a small amount of happiness in your immediate comfort. But if your push yourself to go out- not only will you be proud of yourself but you will be happy that your body looks and feels grateful for your efforts.

 

 Challenge: Income- Feeling disempowered

 

Answer: True empowerment comes first and foremost from being your authentic self and walking your true path, not from earning money. If you are doing the first or working towards it to the best of your ability, all that you truly need shall arrive as a natural consequence. To get hung up on earning money first is to disempower yourself from ever really doing so, like eating the seeds of food plants you could grow. You can accept that you can soon enjoy endless abundance or you can keep searching for another handful of seeds.

 

Challenge: Authenticity

 

Answer: Strive to be true to yourself, what feel right to you. Similarly as with days out (above) move towards what brings you joy and then share afterwards. Do not look to share firstly because it eventuality will become your cue and that cannot be relied on. Do not seek agreement on what brings you joy because if people said ‘no’ to what you enjoyed you would fight that, so why ask in the first place. It is your prerogative to experience joy for yourself, unfettered by the agreement of anyone else on the planet. Strive for contentment and joy in your body, appearance and happiness outside of what you believe others will find acceptable. Your happiness, joy and contentment is accepted as the natural state of being by the universe and the universe judges nobody.

The only universal beauty product recommended is an open smile. Open comes from your heart. Closed comes from your hurt.

 

Challenge: Negative actions

 

 Answer: The only real answer is to be self aware AND importantly self-motivated. It is not enough to be aware as we act out a negative pattern, though it is a good start. We must follow through with a change, stopping the negative as soon as possible- not just ‘next time’. Eventually you will have pruned back harder and harder until the negative pattern has no room to evolve and must die. Keep your mind on the moment as often as possible. As they say regarding Zen philosophy- It is not about peeling potatoes and thinking about God, it is about peeling the potatoes.

 

Challenge: worrying about others’ patterns

 Answer: You can certainly gently encourage positive change in others, but most of your energy is needed to tend your own fire and consequently and often inadvertently you will become a beacon for others.

 

Challenge: Prolonging and continuing life/self- improvement

 

Answer: Read this every day! (Whatever your philosophies or self-teachings are) Reminding ourselves is important until it is second nature which may be never, but if you read this every day that doesn’t matter, you will still move in the right direction for you.

Aside from reading this, read other supportive and inspiring philosophies, but continue to live your own authentic life, not someone else’s. If you meet someone whose path parallels yours, enjoy swapping wisdom across the verge for however long you are meant to do so BUT, when you come to a cross-road, do not invite the person onto your own path, nor cross to theirs, remain on your own path and if they continue to move in the same direction, you will have many years to enjoy each others learning’s. This goes for mentors or friends or relationship partners etc

Note: If you are not already on your own path, because of your past, acknowledging your OWN philosophies and goals and following them is the turn onto your own path, your will know when you are on it, as you will know when you stumble off it.

 There are no fiery pits off your path, no whips to lash you while you get your bearings; it simply is not your path. If you remind yourself of the above you will be back on it and it will be as though no time has passed at all.

Your true self, walking its own path is all there is. That IS the destination.